Priya's Blog

Can you turn a friendship into a relationship?

Lord Byron said: “Friendship may and often does, grow into love, but love never subsides into friendship.”

How many times have you heard the comment ‘oh, we were friends then we fell in love, it just happened.’

Or how many times have you heard ‘we were friends and we kind of fancied each other but then the friendship was lost just because we thought we would make a good couple, but everything just changed.’

I’m not scared to admit (but the other person maybe freaked out reading this and for wwhich I apologise if he knows who he is) but I used to have a huge crush on one of my friends. I had done since about 2004 and have even told him that, he never felt the same though and then I lost my crush we remained ‘friends’ though. Yet, would this friendship turned into a successful relationship? In hindsight I think no. Things happen for a reason and I wouldn’t be the person I am today if these events hadn’t taken place.  But can men and women just be friends? I think if you aren’t attracted to each other then yes otherwise, as Billy Crystal says “the sex part just gets in the way.”

When you think about it there are a few potential situations that can occur from a person liking their friend. I am going to pretend like it is the girl likes the guy but this can be flipped over.

  1. Girl likes boy. Girl never tells boy. 3 years later she tells him. 3 years later is too late. He tells her he only see’s her as a friend. Thus confining her to the friend’s zone.
  2. Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. Girl and boy date, get married and live happily ever after.
  3. Girl and boy are friends. They think they would make a good couple. They date. They get married and live happily ever after.
  4. Girl and boy are friends. They think they would make a good couple. They date. They realise they have made a huge mistake and actually they don’t make that great a couple. The friendship is then lost or they go back to being friends but still having the awkward moments because maybe one of the people still likes the other.
  5. Girl likes boy. Boy doesn’t like girl. Girl is upset and vows never to fall in love.

Option 2 and 3 are fine and don’t need to be discussed but how, in reference to option 1, 4 and 5 how you you not let it ruin the friendship if things don’t work out or how do you go back to just being normal when you tell the guy you like them but they don’t like you back?

Bhavlo on Twitter tells me it’s down to the person and whether it is a risk they want to take. This sums it up quite well. Say, if I hadn’t told this guy that I liked him I’d have been left wondering if he liked me or not. Fact is he didn’t; however is this better than not ever knowing? That’s down to personal preference I guess. You can choose to be heartbroken but you’ll get over it but you also lose a friend so possibly a no win situation.

One person mentioned to me and I think it was The Hoxton Raj on twitter that friendship can develop into love if you live in a close proximity to each other, you can basically charm one another. But who has time to do that and I know with me that the more people get to know me the less they like me! (Harsh and you may think that sounds negative but speaking from experience it is true).

In conclusion if you like someone, and if he or she is a friend; tell them how you feel. That is my perspective. There’s a 50/50 chance they will like you back. If not; then there is someone who will love you and be your friend too; isn’t that what we all want?

My experience with liking a guy who is/was a friend hasn’t been the most positive however I don’t think it should stop anyone from revealing their true feelings. Thing is, you just don’t know what is going on in someones head until one person makes the move and tells the other person clearly what is going on in their head so I say take the risk and tell that person how you feel because if you don’t you will be left wondering for the rest of your life. Yes, there is the danger you could lose a friend but wouldn’t you rather tell them than have this emotion eating away at you? I wouldn’t.

Let’s end with a quote courtesy of Friedrich Nietzsche:

“A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy”

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9 thoughts on “Can you turn a friendship into a relationship?

  1. Well written and true. From my own experience I have turned relationships into friendships. Though took me till my older years to figure it out!

    Can be done, just needs practice in emotional control :)

    Keep the articles flowing always a pleasure to read…

  2. Zuber Ahmed on said:

    Great article priya, interesting and it’s making me think now with all these unnecessary events I’ve been too, u never knw untill u say, take care Zuber

  3. Great article.

    It’s a difficult situation. I’m in the process of turning a wonderful relationship into a friendship (due to unforeseen circumstances). It’s extremely difficult, but I think if you’re both persistent in wanting the friendship to work, it’s possible. It takes time to get over the feelings, but is worth it in the end.

  4. Thanks guys, your comments are lovely to read.

    Jay – I think you’re right and emotional control comes with maturity which is something I am learning as the days go on. However sometimes you just let yourself get swept away without even realising it.

    Zuber – Love will come when you least expect it. All these events you are going to really hoping for something to happen. You don’t need to. The more you want something the less likely it is to happen (thats my view anyway, some people may disagree).

    Kru – I really hope that your friendship remain, its hard but if can be achieved then it will be wonderful.

    Priya Mulji xxx

  5. Very candid post!! Something everyone faces at one point or another in life, guess people learn with time.

    As a teenager we might end up losing the friend but if it happens now probably we may not want to lose the friend but a lot depend on the other person as well.

    I’ll end with a favorite quote from one of my favorite movie – “Jo pyaar qamyab hota hai uske barre mein baat karne ki jaroorat nahin, aur jo pyaar na-qamyab hota hai uske baare mein baat karne ka fayda nahin! Aur saccha pyaar kabhi na-qamyab nahin hota”

    Cheer up gal ! You write really well…am a new visitor here ..have lots to read!

  6. Geeta on said:

    I was in a situation with a friend of 5 years recently and told him we either do this shit or stop snogging each others faces when drunk….he decided that he was in a place in his life where he would mess it up. He has now become a militant sikh soldier of god…so our paths are completely different now. However had I said this to him 3 years ago when I still lived back in Brum this story would be different…maybe I would be the militant sikh soldier of god! haha! moral of the story JUST DO IT!

  7. Hey Priya, My 1st time here, dropped in because of Amr1ta’s RT :) but moreso because I was intrigued by the title. I have always been fascinated by this topic especially since its been so overdone in our movies ‘kya ek ladka ladki acche dost ho sakte hain?’ . As tempted as I am, I am refraining from making any judgements or comments, because the topic is such that it calls for a big debate but moreso is very relative – to each his own :)

    hopefully would love to meet someday & B**** this further, till then.. keep writing xo

  8. Pingback: Mango World « Twomangoes Blog

  9. Joshua Bedford on said:

    I suppose it also needs patience, thats the situation i am in at the moment. She knows exactly how i feel, but she is confused between our friendship and whether her feelings are more then friendship. Whilst some may not understand how that can be, she has never been romantically involved with anyone. The bonus for me is we are still getting closer (something she has admitted) so the saying ‘patience is a virtue’ comes to mind :D

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